Julie

Julie's Blog

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It Was The Grossest And Coolest Thing I've Ever Seen

Jul 19, 2021 -- 6:06pm

The other night I was on the back porch and a huge rhinoceros beetle attached itself to my ankle. I tried to shake it off. It wouldn’t shake. I had to reach down there, grab it and fling it across the porch.

It landed near the cat (Stubbs). It Tried to crawl up Stubb’s leg. Stubbs shook it off. It tried to climb on his other leg. Stubbs flung him across the porch.

Little did I know at the time, there was a baby raccoon lurking in the shadows on the porch. Let me explain. We have been feeding a racoon on our back porch for about two years now. Each of those last two years, around April, she gives birth. Eventually, when the babies are almost as big as she is, we see them. One of those babies was lurking in the shadows on the purch.

And the craziest thing happened.  He or she ran up to the beetle, picked him up with his hands, and put the beetle in its mouth.  I heard the loudest crunk I think I have ever heard.  It was both the grossest and coolest thing I think I have ever seen. 

 



 

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Facebook Can Kiss My Ass!!!!!!!!!

May 06, 2021 -- 3:50pm

I am officially an outlaw!  Facebook Jail --  Sentence: 24 hours.  

And, it wasn't even anything that should have been controversial. Both memes I GOT OFF FACEBOOK! Both memes ARE FUNNY!

Actually, I've got them reversed here and I'm too lazy to change them. The first one was about a week ago, a picture of a bottle of Crown Royal as a suggested remedy for the Coronavirus. Hilarious, right?  I thought so.  But Nooooooooooooo! Facebook says it goes against their community standards.  The second, about a week later, May 5. The Butthurt Remover.  Hilarious right?  I agree!  But Noooooooooooo! It goes against Facebook Community Standards. 

Texas Democrat Gary O'Connors can call GOP Senator Tim Scott an Oreo on Facebook and Twitter. Others can call him Uncle Tim. That's just fine. I can't post a funny meme.  You can use the F- Word on Facebook, in a post or in a meme. No problem. Get a grip Facebook.

However, not even Facebook can shut me up. I have my own radio show.  And this blog!  Hahahahahaha! Take that Facebook.  And, while you're at it Kiss My Ass!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Barbecue Rules!!!!!

Apr 08, 2021 -- 10:07pm
 
 
BBQ RULES:
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

 

I'm Not Afraid Of Prison And I Have More Insurance!

Feb 07, 2021 -- 12:10pm

 

When you get older, it's inevitable that you will have at least one Towanda moment in your life.  You younger folks can watch the video below to know what I mean.

A little background:  I was getting over being sick, better, not great. I was still taking steroids so I was a little irritable, suffering spontaneous bouts of impatience, mild road rage, etc. 

So I pulled into the drive-thru at Arby's on my way to work. One car was in front of me, ordering.  Now, most of us have been going to drive-thrus for years. We know exactly what they have on the menu, for the most part, and know exactly what we are going to order when we get there.  It takes about 30 seconds.  The person in front of me is ordering, the voice on the speaker asks "will that be all (?)", and she launches into another order.  Did I mention I was irritable?  Then she s-l-o-w-l-y order all her food. The voice in the speakers asks, "will there be anything to drink with that?"  OMG, she hadn't even ordered her drinks???? Have you ever sat in a car and loudly talked to the person in the car in front of you?  Finally, she moved ahead. 

I got to the speaker and ordered my milk shake with no whipped cream. Took all of 10 seconds. That's because I'm a drive-thru pro.  Then I pulled around. There was one car at the window and ridiculously  long-order lady was behind that car.  They apparently had told the driver of the car at the window they had to wait a bit for their order and to pull up and they would bring it out to them.  We've all been there.  They tell you to "pull up."  They really don't mean pull up and we all know that.  They mean, drive forward, get out of the drive-thru lane, park the car once you are out of everyone's way.  Somebody didn't get that memo which has been in existence since drive-thrus became a thing.

So the car at the window pulled up about two car lengths, IN the drive thru lane.  This isn't the type of drive thru where you can just whip around the car in front of you, there are buildings on both sides of you and where the building stops on the right, very high curbs.  Long-order lady pulled up and they told her the same thing. She pulled up one car length, which was as far as she could go. 

I was at the window, my order was handed to me, and the lady at the window said, "I have no idea why they are doing that, but you might have to back out the drive thru.   Re-read the first few sentences of this post.  And keep in mind that of all the fender benders I have had, the majority of them have consisted of me backing up. I don't back up well and those car cameras aren't worth a flip and I am surely  not even going to attempt backing up around the drive-thru at Arbys.  It's not happening.  

It is especially not happening when there is a working vehicle in front of me with a person at the wheel that can get out of the way. So about this time the person holding up the line got their food. Long order lady pulled up one car length and stopped just like the car in front of her had. What are the odds of running into two people that have no idea how to navigate a drive thru, on  the same day in the same drive thru on a day when my patience are shot? 

I blew the hell our of that horn!!!!!  She moved quickly. It may have been the sound of the horn. It may have been the scowl on my face, which I'm sure she saw.  I have no idea what I would have done had she not, but I was in no mood for games. It's like this. I'm older, I've seen a lot. I've been through a lot. I have raised two girls. We are planning a wedding. I'm not afraid of prison and I have more insurance!

Merry Christmas From My Family To Yours!

Dec 17, 2020 -- 4:19pm

Our Christmas Tree this year!

 

 

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